My thoughts have been all over the place the last months. I have found it difficult to talk about what I am thinking about (Genae knows all to well). I figure writing them out might be the most effective way to both process what it is I am thinking, as well as communicate what is going on in my head. My thoughts of late have been focused on one of my favorite topics, me.
The past week has been a glaring reminder of how selfish I still am. I have been frustrated, if not livid, at God. My anger was not based in theological questions or anything profound. Rather I have felt like I have not been getting out of this relationship what I feel I deserve. I have served God for my whole life. Been willing to give everything to do anything for him. Yet, in my time of need, he has not delivered what I want. I want financial security..I want to be satisfied in my vocation, I want to feel like I am a vital roll in what is going on around me.
What I have found God saying to me these last few days is simple, "Look to my face, not my hands." I so quickly look for what God is giving me, and I miss out on Him altogether.
posted by Stefan Lako @ 6:24 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
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I sympathize with your sense of abandonment from God. I have spent the last three years stumbling in the dark trying to find financial security and a sense of purpose to my life. And those three years have been filled with false senses of hope, devastation and anger. My prayer is that God meets us both where we are and helps us find our way. Blessings and prayers to you on your journey.
Thank you for re-starting your blog. Never forget that you are special, loved and looked after - sometimes in ways you do not understand, but not forgotten.
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